Monday, August 27, 2007

Artist sets sail in life-size paper boat

Artist Frank Boelter set sails in his lifesize paper boat as he leaves a shipyard in Lauenburg, Germany.
He constructed the 9-metre vessel from 'Tetrapack' and fearlessly sailed it up the Elbe, despite the fact the light material is more commonly used for packaging milk.The 37-year-old artist came up with the idea one breakfast time, while he was sitting at his kitchen table fiddling with an empty milk carton, which he cut up and made into a scaled-down model.

The £110 boat is 30 feet long, weighs 55 pounds, uses a 170-square-metre piece of Tetrapack paper, and took only two hours to construct.
Boelter waves to fans
Boelter said it will survive forty days before it disintegrates into a wet, sinking mass.
It is part of the artist's exhibition named 'Bis ans Ende der Welt' (Until the end of the world).
It's aqua-origami, all right, but is it art?

The boat is the MV Cahaba owned by Warrior and Gulf Navigation of Mobile, AL. The pictures were taken by an amateur photgrapher named Barger. This happened in April, 1979 at Demopolis, AL on the Warrior River. Nobody was seriously injured and the boat continued to it's destination with the barges. To my knowledge, the boat is still in service. The bridge has since been replaced.
Do not try this at home. Remember, this is a professional captain.
The towboat is approaching the bridge with barges loaded with coal.
This frame gives you an idea of how fast the river is running. Obviously at or near flood stage
Oh CRAP!!! The bridge didn't open and the boat can't stop. Notice that the tug has released the barges.
He is backing as hard as possible to try and avoid a collision with the bridge.
Can't back down enough against the current.
Uh Oh! The current has swung the boat around sideways.
The cook thinks maybe something isn't quite right.
The boss is going to be REAL mad!
Uh... Boss? Do we have flood insurance on this boat?
Uh.... Boss? You ain't gonna believe what we just did!
She's low, but the flag is still flying.
The wheelhouse door and the door in the second deck are now open.
Look close at the bottom righthand side of the picture and you will see that the bridge guardrail is underwater.
Look at the water pouring out of the second deck doorway.
Look at the water pouring out of the second deck doorway.
The working deck is still underwater, but rising.
Notice anything unusual? Look at the smoke coming from the exhausts. This thing is running!!!
Notice the propwash at the rear of the tug. The boat is upright and back under power.
Ho Hum. Just another day on the river.
There are some things about me that you are just unaware of, and this
instance is a fitting example. Please send this to all, my explanation.
And as Paul Harvey used to say..." that's the rest of the story..."
It was either late 1978 or early 1979, I have forgotten exactly, but anyway,
I am close on either... The river is the Tombigbee River and this happened
to be the record high water ever for that area. The towboat you see coming
down on the bridge is the Motor Vessel Cahaba owned by Warrior Gulf
Navigation out of Mobile, Alabama. Warrior Gulf is a subsidiary of
Pittsburg Steel. I know you are familiar with Birmingham's coal mines and
steel mills, and this company would haul iron pellets up to Birmingport and
off-load to make steel plate.
On the return the barges were filled with coal for export at the McDuffie
Coal Terminal at the mouth of the Mobile River and at the head of Mobile Bay.
The Bridge was the Old Rooster Bridge (since demolished and removed - I saw
the explosion to tear it down also) located below Demopolis, Alabama. The
land-side highway dead ends at the bluff, and you can still drive to this
site and imagine how high the river had to be to get to the bottom of the

The pass or Channel Span of the bridge was located on the far West side of
the river, or on the opposite bank from the photographer's standpoint. In
normal river flow, we would drop down near the rock bluff and steer through
the opening to pass southward with our tows of coal barges. Normal loads
were six barges, each measuring 195' X 35' and loaded to a 10' draft. This
allowed each barge to carry approximately 2,000 tons of coal (times six =
12,000 tons X 2000 pounds = 24 Million pounds of cargo.)

The boat is 1800Horsepower twin engine diesel built in Pine Bluff, Arkansas. It is named
after one of the eight "friendly" Indian tribes. It is the Motor Vessel
Cahaba. At the "sticks" or helm is Captain Jimmie Wilkerson, a long time
river pilot and was my personal friend - since deceased. The river current
was so very treacherous that we were forced to drop down to the bridge in
the slack(er) water on the left descending bank and when we got down to the
bridge, we uncoupled the boat from the barges and let the barges drift down
under the bridge. The bottom of the bridge would "shave" the coal stacked
in the barges off to a level surface. The next step was to back the vessel
upriver and then go over to the far West side and traverse the bridge's
channel span with the boat, and run down and catch the barges. It was just
too dangerous to try to bring the barges through the bridge span in the
Anyway, Jimmie dropped down properly and with the entire rest of the crew
standing on the barges for safety, he began to reverse his engines to back
away. His stern would have to be kept directly pointed into the current or
the boat would travel sideways like a kite without it's tail. Captain Jim
was a fine pilot, but he made a small mistake and his stern was caught in
the current, twisted sideways and the river smashed him into the bridge
sideways. Notice that the boat re-surfaced right side up on the down stream
side. What luck you say? Nope, WGN ballasted all their vessels with three
to four feet of cement in the bottom. The boat was like a little yellow
rubber duckie, and came back up like a duckie oughta do. The boat suffered
major cosmetic damages, but little flooding because of water tight doors,
except in the pilothouse. Notice the picture where the boat is not quite
righted and you can see water pouring out of the wheelhouse door. The chair
washes out, and Jimmie told me he was holding on to the controls with all
his might to keep from going out the drain and into the river. He was very
shook up and you can see him approach the tow of barges downriver. Well he
didn't get it together quite soon enough and he smashed into the barges,
causing further damage.
I next saw Jimmie about a month after this and we had a cup of coffee
together and talked about the incident. He was smoking a Camel Non-filter
but didn't even need an ashtray beacuse his hands were still shaking too
much for the ash to build up to any degree.
How do I know all this? I was on the boat that went through the bridge
immediately before the Cahaba. The Motor Vessel James E. Philpott made the
bridge and was headed south at close to 15 MPH. For all you who don't
understand, that is very fast on a commercial towboat with that much
The miracle of birth in the uncanny valley

So, you’re done fooling around with your real doll want to settle down with a nice synthetic woman and start a family. Well, here’s just the thing for you. Her name is Noelle and she’s a birthing simulation mannequin. Now I warn you, the images contained herein are a disturbing look at what happens when a man loves $20,000 worth of silicon and servos too well.

Before you go plunking said 20k down, you should see what you, as the proud father to be, are getting. Well, lets see what we have in the box.

First off is Noelle, mother of your child. Quite a looker, no? Not the most modest of gals, but the arm cocked behind her head gives her a laid back style that makes her let-it-all-hang-out construction seem natural.

Next up we have our bouncing baby whatever. It’s just the cutest little thing. It’s got tubes and plunger dealies and a big blue wired control box, just like a real infant.

The real fun is getting the two together so that you can recreate the natural majesty of birth. Once you get everything unpacked, set up, calibrated, tested and filled with the appropriate fluids, you have one more decision to make. Breech or regular birth. I know, I know, I can barely pick my favorite either. For our first time out, lets not get too fancy and go the old fashioned head first route.

For this picture the manual advises us that one way not to lose this plug is to insert it into the rectum, which I’ve found is a good way not to lose anything.

Now gingerly nestle your lovechild into place, making sure to position the birthing piston. After the birth your infant will be comforted by snuggling up to Mommy and listening to the soothing hum of her birthing piston.

Once baby’s all set, close the pod bay door and get Mommy ready for the big day. Another helpful blurb from the manual advises us to keep the vulva lubricated.

So we’re go. Baby is ready for deployment, vulva is properly attended to and we’re ready for the miracle of nature, as the Lord intended. Unless the baby gets stuck. Then it might need a little coaxing.

After a little judicious force, it’s time to welcome our little bundle of joy into the world and point at its head

But the job’s not done yet. As the father you not only get to cut the umbilical cord, you have to cut Mommy a little too. So pull out your interchangable episiotomy incisions and see what angle most suits your beloved.

Bolt that sucker in place, grab the nearest tackle box for your sharpest fish hook and get to work sewing her up.
There. Baby’s out, Mommy’s shut up tight and life with your new family can begin.